


Call Me Darling, Call You Dear

by asphodelknox



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Epistolary, Fluff, Letters, M/M, Safe Spaces, just... so much freaking sweetness, letter writing, loving family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphodelknox/pseuds/asphodelknox
Summary: He hadn’t written to Richard yet… it had only been a week since Richard had returned to London and the King and Queen had carried on and Carson had returned to retirement and Thomas got his office back. He didn’t want to seem too eager… Richard had kissed him, Thomas hadn’t even initiated it but still… Thomas felt his old fears lingering in the shadows of his heart. He’d learned his lesson about initiating contact with other men. What if Richard regretted it? Regretted him?He took a deep breath and opened the envelope, sliding the letter out, unfolding it carefully. A slanting, purposeful script greeted him, two pages, front and back, all for him, apparently. Thomas gulped and settled in his chair to read.Thomas and Richard fall in love through letters and Thomas find safety and home in a surprising place. Just pure, unadulterated fluff.
Relationships: Anna Bates/John Bates, Daisy Mason/Andy Parker, Phyllis Baxter/Joseph Molesley, Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 22
Kudos: 90





	Call Me Darling, Call You Dear

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on a whim after seeing the movie in September of 2019 and finally decided to publish this. It hasn't been beta'd so any mistakes are mine. I just adored Thomas and Richard and couldn't help but write their story.

The letter arrived like every other letter delivered to Downton: through the back door. Thomas was in his office when Andy handed him the post to distribute at afternoon tea, and he paused when he saw a letter with his name on it, the only return address stating “Ellis, London”. 

Thomas’s heart sped up in his chest and he shut the door to his office with a definite snap, placing the other letters on the table before sitting at his desk with an apprehensive sigh. His hands shook. He knew who this letter was from. 

Richard. 

He hadn’t written to Richard yet… it had only been a week since Richard had returned to London and the King and Queen had carried on and Carson had returned to retirement and Thomas got his office back. He didn’t want to seem too eager… Richard had kissed him, Thomas hadn’t even initiated it but still… Thomas felt his old fears lingering in the shadows of his heart. He’d learned his lesson about initiating contact with other men. What if Richard regretted it? Regretted him?

He took a deep breath and opened the envelope, sliding the letter out, unfolding it carefully. A slanting, purposeful script greeted him, two pages, front and back, all for him, apparently. Thomas gulped and settled in his chair to read. 

_31 July 1927_

~~_Thomas_ _Mr. Barrow_ _Thomas_~~ _Mr. Barrow,_

_Excuse my poor scribbles… I haven’t written a letter to anyone aside from my mother in years. I’m a bit out of practice but for you, Mr. Barrow, I’d like to make an exception. I didn’t leave you my moon pendant for nothing, after all. Have you been taking care of it? I hope you think of me when you pull it out of wherever you store it._

_I hope it’s alright that I’m writing to you so soon after having seen you, but if I’m honest, it took most of my self-control to wait as long as I did. I stayed up far past a reasonable bedtime the past few nights composing letters for you in my mind that I finally decided tonight was the night to write you one._

_Besides, I didn’t want to keep you waiting in case you were expecting something from me. I’ll be honest, I hope you were._

_The King and Queen are continuing on with their journey but I’ve returned to London to prepare for their arrival. It’s just a bit too hot and I’m wishing for winter and snow and rain. It makes me wonder what Downton is like in the winter. I can’t imagine those upstairs rooms stay very warm, but I bet it’s beautiful in the snow._

_We have fine accommodations at these houses but I am happier than I’d care to admit about being back in my own bed. Nothing is quite so good as my own pillow after a day’s work and my sister sent me a knitted blanket several years ago that makes me think of home. Unfortunately, I can’t bring it with me whenever I travel with their Majesty’s, so I’m always pleased to see it when I return._

_We’re usually at the palace in London in the winter… the holidays keep their Majesty’s busy, as you could imagine. However, we second staff have a bit of a reprieve and I plan to visit my parents sometime in December. Perhaps we could see each other when I come through York? If that’s not too presumptuous of me to ask. If I could see you sooner I would._

_Regardless, please write to me. I’d like to know how you’re getting on. If you miss me, for I find I already miss you. As we said, it’s rare to find men like us in the world. Perhaps instead of a friend, we found similar souls in one another._ _I can’t say how grateful I am_

_I will attempt to end this letter with some sort of respectable close, but I find I can only sign,_

_Yours,_

_Richard Ellis_

Thomas grinned, let out a shaky sigh, and tucked his fingers under his collar to pull out the moon pendant, feeling the cold silver between his fingers. How would he tell Richard that he’d in fact, worn the pendant every day since they’d last seen one another? That whenever he felt slightly worried or unsure, he’d focus on the pendant resting against his chest like an anchor? 

Perhaps that would be for a letter in the future. Thomas bit his lip, rereading Richard’s letter. Despite Richard’s forwardness, his honesty, his earnestness, Thomas still felt those lingering doubts. 

What if it wasn’t real? What if Richard thought Thomas was a fling? What if Richard would leave him, just like the other men in his life? 

It was only a week since Thomas had followed Chris to the bar filled to the brim with men like him, men dancing and hugging and sitting in each other’s laps and kissing, right in the open. It had brought out an exuberance and freedom that Thomas hadn’t felt before. 

Even with the Duke (how could that have been over ten years in the past now?), Thomas had always held back, always wondered if he really was just abnormal. Jimmy never returned his affection and he never knew for sure what Edward thought of him, though if pressed Thomas would say he and Edward were fond of each other. The repeated rejections and lost chances bared their teeth on the dark days when he heard Carson’s words echo in his head. Twisted. Foul. 

But seeing so many other men like him, thrilling in who they were, who they could be with, gave him hope. The common man could perhaps find love with the common man. He’d only danced for perhaps an hour, but before he’d been arrested, he hadn’t felt twisted or foul at all. 

Thomas rested the pendant against his cheek, reading Richard’s letter for the third time, slowly coming to a realization. With Richard, he also felt free. 

A little awkward maybe, a little uncertain. No other man had sought him out to simply know him or enjoy his company. But Richard seemed to actively want to know Thomas, be near him. Thomas certainly wanted to be near Richard and to become close to him. The fact that the feeling was quite possibly returned was a heady, unfamiliar, not unwanted feeling. 

There was a knock on his office door and he started, folding the letter away and trying to act nonchalant. Baxter walked in with an apologetic smile on her face. The sounds of the staff at the table followed her in.

“Sorry to bother, Barrow,” she said, “but tea is ready. Will you be joining us?” 

Thomas relaxed slightly. If anyone had to interrupt him reading Richard’s letter, Baxter was the one Thomas would most want. He could be most unguarded with her. He nodded and put the letter away in his desk drawer. 

“Yes, I’ll be there in just a moment.” 

Baxter nodded and made to leave, then paused. 

“That’s a lovely pendant.” She gestured to Richard’s moon around Thomas’s neck. “Silver is a nice color for you.” 

Thomas turned beet red and stood, hastily tucking the pendant back under his collar. His hands ran over his suit, nervously trying to find something else to fix to take attention away from the pendant. 

“Thank you,” he said unsteadily. “It was a gift.” 

Baxter just smiled at him. “You’re a lucky man then, to know someone who cares so much to give you a token of their affection for you.” 

Thomas glanced down at his feet. “I am lucky.” He said it softly, not even sure she heard him, but her gentle fingers on his wrist told him she heard. 

“Don’t forget the mail,” she said, and walked away, Thomas just catching the secret smile she gave him. He snatched up the mail and followed her, the cold silver against his sternum steady and anchoring. 

He thought of Richard, and Baxter’s knowing smile and Thomas couldn’t help but grin all through tea. 

_4 August 1927_

_Mr. Ellis,_

_Since honesty seems to be the precedent of our letters, I must say that it was a delight to receive your letter. Your hopes are correct… I was waiting. Or rather... hoping._

_It’s unfamiliar to me to hope for a letter from someone. But I did with you. And your pendant allowed me to hope… it’s not something I’ve done in quite a long time. The pendant has been a comfort to me, although I don’t need any help remembering you._

_And you’re not to worry. Your pendant is in good hands. I haven’t spent seventeen years polishing silver to not know a fine piece when I see one, and it’s all the more precious knowing it came from you. Will you tell me the story behind it? The moon in particular is intriguing to me._

_Downton is much quieter now that your entourage has left our doors, and I can’t decide if the staff is glad to have their peace returned or if they miss the pomp and circumstance of guests with such caliber. I for one, am glad to see Downton return to its normal pace if only so there are fewer people downstairs. The only time of year that Downton is nearly as busy is during the holidays. Lord and Lady Grantham host a large party for the village in January, but the holiday itself is rather quiet._

_I was relieved to have peace and quiet in my room this week… the men’s hall is rather quiet these days, just myself, Andy, a second footman, and the hall boy. Because it’s just the four of us, I gave them the pick of the rooms, and we each have a fireplace in our room, so it stays warm. I don’t have a hand-knitted blanket from my sister, but it’s cozy enough._

_The peace and quiet did give me more time to think. I… haven’t stopped replaying our farewell. I wish we’d had more time together. Two days makes me feel robbed. So, to answer your question, I would very much like to see you in December, but we might have time before then._

_The family will be traveling to London on 3 October, and I will be accompanying them to set up Grantham House. Perhaps, if you could be spared, we could get dinner or a drink, maybe walk in the parks._

_Yours as well, if you’ll have me,_

_Thomas Barrow_

10 August 1927

Mr. Barrow, 

I was greatly relieved to receive your letter. The King and Queen were due to return the day it arrived and the palace was in all manner of hustle and bustle. I pocketed your letter the moment I received it but didn’t have a spare minute to read it until late in the evening. For perhaps the first time in my position, the first valet was indeed sick. 

Which of course, makes me think of one of our first conversations. I hope it’s not too forward of me, but I couldn’t help but be drawn to you the minute I met you. I felt I knew you when I met you.

Anyways, the first valet is feeling much better, the King and Queen are home, and I’m back to my usual duties, with my usual amount of free time, which allowed me to finally write you. Now that I know you’re waiting, I can’t bear to make you. If it helps, after I sent my last letter, I suddenly found my spare time much less appealing because all I could do was think of you and wonder if perhaps this attraction was all in my head. Your letter calmed my petty worries. 

The pendant was from my mother. She is a great reader and quite intelligent. She taught me that the moon has significance in many cultures, and it’s been special to me ever since. Perhaps when we see each other in October (because I will ensure I have an evening to see you) I can explain in better detail. Regardless, I’m glad it’s precious to you. It’s precious to me. 

I imagine it’s been a number of years since Downton had its full force of staff. The great houses seem to be taking a turn and I think it’s only a matter of time before the world we were raised in fades away altogether. If it means other ideas come into existence, I’m alright with that particular transition. Perhaps we’ll see a world where we can be who we are without persecution or prejudice. 

I’ve been unable to stop thinking of you, Mr. Barrow, and I would be rather indignant to stop. I wish we could be together sooner, but I promise to be a reliable correspondent. At the very least, we have our letters, and you have something of mine. 

I will have you if you’ll have me. 

Assuredly yours, 

Richard 

_18 August 1927_

_~~Mr. Ellis~~ ~~Richard~~ _ _Mr. Ellis,_

_Well, it seems like you’re not the only one who makes a mess of their letters. Would it be silly of me to say again that I couldn’t contain my excitement when I received your letter? Poor Andy probably thought I’d received bad news the way my hands shook when I took your letter from him. He’s a caring lad though, and once I assured him everything was fine, he left me in peace._

_The first valet was ill? I almost don’t believe you. But I do remember our conversation and it makes me smile to think that I had no idea we’d be exchanging letters and pendants_ _and kissing_ _within a month. It makes me glad. And gladder still to know you miss me. The longer we’re apart and the more letters I receive from you, the more it seems to grow this affection in me for you. October can’t come fast enough._

_I’m glad your life has calmed down a bit now that the King and Queen have returned. What do your days look like, when you’re not traveling around the countryside? Do you have much free time?_

_It seems like my work is never quite finished, but I do have some quiet moments. I enjoy reading and Lady Grantham’s lady’s maid is a dear friend with very good book recommendations. Her beau is the local teacher and occasional footman and he’s rather good at recommendations too. Although I don’t think they’ve quite figured out yet that they’re courting… Moseley can be a bit thick sometimes, but Phyllis likes him well enough._

_I’ve been at Downton seventeen years, and back then, the house had a full staff. The men’s wing was fit to bursting and we had more maids then we could count. But with the war and the changing politics, we’re too small a staff for a too big house. But we make do. For my part, I’m interested to see where the world goes. As you said, fifty years ago, we didn’t even know we could fly._

_You’ve been on my mind since you left. I’ll admit I’m hesitant, but only because I haven’t met anyone like you before. It feels like you’re pursuing me (but correct me if I’m wrong) and I’ve never known that before._

_Assuredly yours,_

_Thomas_

2 September 1927

Thomas, 

I’m so sorry for the delay in my writing. The palace hosted delegates from America and France and by the time I went to bed each evening, I could hardly see straight, let alone string together words for you. Please don’t think it’s because I’m no longer interested or I’ve changed my mind. I haven’t. You’re not wrong. I am pursuing you. Because of my delay, I feel I should be blunt on the matter. I don’t want to mislead you.

I’ve never done the pursuing before. I was close to a man a number of years ago but he pursued me and then cut it off abruptly. Because of him, I knew I wouldn’t pursue another man unless I knew what I wanted. And I do. If you’ll let me be bold, I want you. 

I felt at ease with you the moment I met you, even if you were a bit uncertain and unsure. Mr. Wilson is frightening to anyone, so please don’t be embarrassed. I found you charming and the more we spoke, the more I sensed there was something similar about us. I’m glad I was right. I hope you’ll let me continue to pursue you, even if that feeling is unfamiliar. I hope you’ll pursue me back. 

Unless I should be nervous about Andy… should I be? I wouldn’t call myself a jealous man, but I am rather fond of you. If that wasn’t clear already. 

Even if Downton has too small a staff, you seem to do splendidly. Although you should have heard Mr. Wilson go on and on. It was like you were all outlaws from America’s Wild West! That just makes you more of a hero to me. Frankly, Mr. Wilson needs a lie down… and perhaps a holiday. You have good people around you and that makes the work much easier. Although… it sounds like Moseley and Phyllis need a bit of a nudge in the courting department.

Seventeen years is quite a long time. I’ve been in Buckingham for ten, but I worked for a Duke before that for six. It’s hard to imagine that I could ever leave service but as more and more of my colleagues leave, I do wonder. Have you ever wondered of a life outside of service? Perhaps we could train to be pilots.

To answer your question, I’m given a fair amount of free time when we’re not entertaining foreigners. I enjoy reading and visiting some of the jazz clubs in London, and I do enjoy dancing. I was a bit agitated that I wasn’t able to dance with you myself. Perhaps when you’re in London, if you have time, we could go. After a walk in the park and a pint. I hope you can get a whole afternoon… we apparently have much to fit in. 

Yours still, 

Richard

_10 September 1927_

_Richard,_

_I feel I open every letter I write to you the same way: that I was relieved or glad to receive your letter. But this time… I really was very relieved indeed. Not only that you hadn’t gone off me but also for your bluntness. I thought I was reading too far into things, that my fondness for you was one-sided or misguided. But your letter made me long for October even more. I’ll be glad to go wherever you want to, as long as I’m with you. Dancing sounds perfect, though please let’s keep arrests to a minimum. I won’t have you bailing me out a second time._

_And you don’t have to worry about Andy. He’s just a friend, and engaged to our kitchen maid Daisy, besides. Although I wouldn’t doubt him knowing somehow, about us. He delivered your letter again and gave me this look… Daisy is a spitfire and I suppose Andy must be too to keep up with her. He’s a trustworthy one if he does find out._

_Mr. Wilson is frightening… I don’t know how you work with him constantly. You must have nerves of steel. I like to think I’m rather unflappable, but I suppose if you have to work for the King of England, you have to be made of some stiff stuff. You obviously must be a man of caliber to have served in their house for so long. But I don’t mind you calling me your hero._

_I shared your image of us at Downton being compared to cowboys with Mrs. Bates and you should have heard her laugh! She was pleased but also said that we are much better than cowboys, thank you, and walked away with a skip in her step. I know she knows about Moseley and Phyllis… Mrs. Bates is a smart woman… perhaps she and I could nudge Moseley in the right direction._

_We’ve seen our fair share of people leave Downton. I spent so long working to become a valet or a butler that I never wondered what to do outside of service. My father was a clockmaker and I suppose I could go into the business… I certainly know enough. I’ve trained every footman who has come through Downton on how to wind our clocks. If you become a pilot, just promise you’ll take me for a flight._

_Because of your honesty in your last letter, I wanted to share something in mine. I keep your pendant on its chain around my neck, under my livery every day. I can feel it against my chest and I find the memory of you anchors me. When the maids are being difficult or Lord Grantham has a ridiculous request or Lady Mary is on a project, I am reminded of you, your smile as you left me, and the way you touched my lips after you picked me up after my arrest. I suppose, in that respect, you are my hero._

_Anxiously awaiting October and ever yours,_

_Thomas_

18 September 1927

Thomas, 

I am glad I didn’t worry you too much and that I could soothe your apprehension. We’ll be together again in two weeks’ time and I can practically feel my excitement vibrating in my fingertips. No arrests, but definitely dancing. I want to feel you in my arms. Please tell me where or when I should meet you. 

I do believe you seem a bit of a gossip, Thomas. The way you talk about your staff shows a very distinct fondness. Do they know how fond of them you are? Love seems to be in the air at Downton… I’m a bit jealous. I wish I could pursue you as obviously as Andy and Moseley can pursue their loves. But being quiet about it won’t stop me from pursuing you as best I can. 

I’ll take you on a few flights but only if you’ll make me a clock. Something handsome for my mantle… whenever I get around to having my own cottage with a mantle for a clock made by you, my darling. 

I read the last paragraph of your letter, the one telling me where you keep the pendant, and I couldn’t stop grinning for the rest of the day. If we are each others’ heroes than I believe we’re doing something right. I’m not sure how stiff of stuff I’m made of, but my mother said I was an unflappable child, and that’s probably why the King keeps me as one of his valets. Regardless, the idea of you doing your work, wearing my pendant, has made the wait to October worse, but my fondness for you great. And, of course, it makes me think of your lips.

Write to me soon and tell me where to meet you. To say I’m eager to see you is an understatement. 

Yours completely,

Richard

_29 September 1927_

_Richard,_

_We’ll arrive on the third of October and be in a bit of a fuss, but I’m free to go after luncheon on the fourth and I’m not needed again until dinner on the fifth. Come by Grantham House and ask for me. Mrs. Hughes will be able to tell you where I am._

_I can’t write much more, but know I’m eager to see you and just as eager to hold you in my arms. Seeing you will be proof this wasn’t all some wonderful dream._

_Yours,_

_Thomas_

_P.S. And yes, they do know how fond I am of them. I wasn’t always and the members of the staff who have known me the longest are the ones I treasure the most now, because they saw me at my worst but now at least they respect me, when I feel I’m at my best. Phyllis keeps telling me that they’re actually fond of me now, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not a bit skeptical._

Thomas was in his office at Grantham House when he heard the back door ring. His heart skipped a beat in his chest and he had a mind to tell it to calm down. Richard would come when he could, but there was no reasoning with Thomas’s heart. 

“Ah, Mr. Ellis,” Mrs. Hughes’s voice sounded from the hall and Thomas felt like he’d been kicked in his stomach. “How nice to see you. What can we do for you?” 

“I’m here to see Mr. Barrow, ma’am,” Richard replied, and the sound of his voice sent Thomas’s heart beating a mile a minute. His more cynical side wanted to roll his eyes, but the deeper part, the truer part of him, couldn’t hold back a giddy grin. Richard was _here._ To _see him._

“Of course,” Thomas heard Mrs. Hughes say. “He’s just back in his office. Down the hall, second door on the right.” 

Thomas tried to remember to breathe as he heard Richard’s footsteps amidst the hustle and bustle. He tried to act nonchalant, like he was busy doing anything else, and not waiting anxiously for this man who arrested his heart. He failed miserably, nothing on his desk suiting the task.

So instead, Thomas stood just as Richard entered the office and Thomas wondered if maybe he’d taken after Mr. Moseley in front of the king and forgotten how to breathe entirely. Richard looked exactly as he had when he left: crisp, tall, and strong. When Thomas met his eyes, Richard smiled wide, boyish, and sweet and it took all of Thomas’s self-control to not run at him to hug him. 

“Mr. Barrow,” Richard said, his voice soft even as the house around him was bustling. The staff had been given the day off and the excitement was palpable. If only they knew what Thomas was excited for. 

“Mr. Ellis,” Thomas said, his voice almost squeaking like a schoolboy. He cleared his throat and took a step closer to Richard. “It’s good to see you.” He felt like he couldn’t quite get enough air in a breath, but Richard took a step to meet him and his fingers on Thomas’s wrist calmed him a bit. 

“It wasn’t a dream, Thomas,” Richard said quietly. “Wonderful and real.” He grinned and Thomas was taken back to the last time they’d seen each other, the way Richard had said goodbye. God, he wanted to kiss him. 

“When are you free so I can take you away?” Richard asked, and Thomas felt a shiver of anticipation up his spine. 

Thomas turned his hand so he could clasp at Richard’s fingers. “Let me fetch my coat and I’ll be ready.” 

Richard nodded, squeezed Thomas’s fingers, and stepped back, just as Andy knocked on the door. 

“Sorry to interrupt Mr. Barrow, but I wondered if I might ask you…” He stepped into the room, glancing between Thomas and Richard curiously before forging on with his question. “Mrs. Pattmore said it’s alright but I wanted to check with you too. I wanted to take Daisy to dinner tonight.” 

Thomas smiled and glanced at Richard, who raised an eyebrow and smirked. “As long as Mrs. Pattmore says it’s fine, it’s fine with me. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 

Andy grinned and was out the door, a hasty “Thank you, Mr. Barrow” thrown behind him. 

Richard chuckled. “Oh, I don’t have to worry at all, do I?” 

Thomas grabbed his coat and hat off the stand by the door and put them on, casting a smirk at Richard.

“I didn’t sign my letters to you the way I did for no reason.” He gestured for Richard to go ahead of him and paused them in the servants’ hall to inform Mrs. Hughes he was leaving. Richard seemed unable to take his eyes off Thomas, and Thomas could barely wait to get out of the house and on to whatever Richard had planned. 

“Mrs. Hughes, I’ll be out for the day,” Thomas said. “Mrs. Pattmore said she’d make a small dinner for the staff that stays behind, but otherwise there’s nothing that needs doing.” 

Mrs. Hughes smiled. “Enjoy your time, Mr. Barrow. We’ll see you tomorrow, I assume?” 

Thomas nodded. “I’ll be back in time for dinner.” 

And with that, he followed Richard out of the house and onto the street. They fell into step side by side. 

“So what do you have planned for us?” Thomas asked, feeling their shoulders brush and sending more shivers up his spine. He kept having to fight the urge to get closer to Richard, to hold his hand or sling an arm around his shoulders. Anything to feel him, to know he was real. 

Richard grinned. “I wanted to show you Kensington Gardens. They’re quieter, less busy. We could find a place to talk.” 

“I’d like that. Are they far?” 

Richard tugged on Thomas’s wrist and they turned a corner. Ahead of them was undoubtedly a large park. Thomas gaped. 

“You’ve never been here?” Richard asked, grinning at Thomas’s incredulousness. 

Thomas shook his head. “I didn’t even know this was here.” 

Richard chuckled and led them into the garden, taking a smaller path to the side instead of the main path. “You seem like a man about town though. You seem to know enough of the city.” 

“Enough yes, but not enough to stop me from being surprised,” Thomas said. They walked past a small pond and several statues and hardly saw another soul. Thomas felt like they were the only people in the world, aside from the sounds of cars and horses just at the edge of the park. He wondered if there would be a world where he and Richard could walk through a park and maybe, simply, hold hands, without anyone causing a ruckus. 

Richard paused at a bench. “Mind if we sit?” 

Thomas shook his head and sat, his thigh brushing Richard’s. He’d wondered so often what it would feel like to be near Richard, to feel him under his hands and know his presence. It was a heady feeling now, knowing Richard wanted to be there just as much as Thomas did, knowing he was being pursued. 

Richard looked around and slide his gloved hand through Thomas’s just for a moment, their hands resting on Richard’s thigh. 

“Later tonight, I’m taking you to a pub, for men like us,” Richard said, his voice soft and sure. Thomas tensed a little but Richard squeezed his hand. “It’s safe, I promise, and if I have to, I can always get us out again. But I want to dance with you properly and hold your hand for longer than the few moments I’m getting now.” 

They heard footsteps along the path and released their hands, Thomas playing with his hat to occupy his hands as a couple passed along the path. As much as being arrested again made his stomach curl, the thought of being with other men like him and Richard, of being able to be himself without worrying about judgment or danger, was well worth the risk.

“I’d like that,” Thomas said. “Although I still don’t think I could ever thank you enough for getting me out of jail. I’d hate for you to have to do it again.”

Richard smiled tenderly. “I…” He swallowed, and looked down at his lap while he spoke. “I’m grateful I could get you out. I wasn’t sure at first if I’d be able to, but seeing you walk out the door and towards me was a lesson in practicing restraint. I wanted to pull you into my arms right then.” He took one of Thomas’s hands in his for a brief moment and continued. 

“I was jealous I wasn’t able to dance with you that night. I hated seeing you be taken away like an animal. I thought maybe I’d lost my chance but you looked so downhearted when you walked back to me that I couldn’t bear to leave you in the dark. Men like us are too often alone in the world. I didn’t want you to think you were.” He looked up and met Thomas’s eyes and Thomas was taken aback by how much care he saw in Richard’s gaze. 

“I thought I was walking to my ruin, to be honest,” Thomas said. “I didn’t know you were like me and I was confused as to why exactly you’d gotten me out.” 

“You hadn’t guessed that I was the same?” Richard asked, sounding incredulous. Thomas grinned down at their hands, relishing the time they had.

“I’d hoped,” he replied.

Richard smiled, bumping Thomas’s shoulder with his own. “I tried to make it obvious to you.” 

It was Thomas’s turn to grin. “Well, you certainly did before you left.” 

Richard met his eyes. “I would kiss you now if I could,” he said, so quietly Thomas almost didn’t hear him. 

But he did hear and Thomas wondered once again if he was dreaming. But the heat of Richard sitting next to him, the soft sounds of birds in the trees as they talked, the way Richard seemed unable to keep from touching him, especially if they were alone on the path, made Thomas sure that this was very, very real. 

They spent the afternoon walking the park, sitting on the benches, and talking. Thomas couldn’t remember the last time (if ever!) he’d spent so much time with one person who actually wanted to know more about him, wanted to be in his presence, wanted to be near him. 

But Richard was and did, and couldn’t seem to be far from Thomas for long. They sat at the bench a while longer, their conversation moving to safer topics of work and hobbies and gossip of their fellow workers in service. The conversation touched a bit on their pasts and Thomas thought for the first time that Richard was someone he could maybe be honest with about his past. Perhaps Richard would understand. At the very least, he was a good listener. 

They left the park for dinner and Thomas found himself once again following a man into a mysterious location. This time was different though… he knew the man, and he trusted him, at least a little bit. Richard walked with assurance and tossed careful smiles Thomas’s way every so often, reassuring and kind. 

Just before he knocked, Richard turned and reached his fingertips to touch Thomas’s wrist. Thomas stilled, not quite used to the gentle feeling of someone touching him so tenderly.

“You can say the word and we don’t have to go,” Richard said. “I should have asked properly earlier, but I don’t want to force you to something you’re uncomfortable with.” He looked so uncertain all of a sudden, that Thomas took the risk to tangle their fingers together. Richard swallowed and looked down at their hands.

Thomas smiled and nodded once, sure in his answer. “We’ll be alright. Let’s have a bit fun, shall we? I owe you a dance.” 

Richard grinned back and pulled Thomas in after him, their fingers clasped together. 

This establishment seemed a bit more discreet even than the one he’d visited in York. They went down a long hallway, through a side door, and down some stairs to a basement that must have appeared bigger than it actually was. The ambiance of the space was the same and Thomas couldn’t tell if he was dizzy because of the space and seeing so many men like him or because Richard was holding his hand.

Richard gently tugged him past other men swirling on the dance floor, sitting in each other’s laps, leaning their heads together over a pint. Two men were kissing in the corner, another couple on the couch, and everywhere men were holding hands, touching each other without reprimand or shame. A few even sent appreciative looks Thomas’s way. Richard seemed to notice, gripping Thomas’s hand like he wouldn’t let go for the end of the world, and Thomas wondered how best to tell him that he wasn’t interested in anyone else.

Richard pulled them to a stop by a table. He drew Thomas closer to him, the closest they’d been all day. Thomas grinned, feeling like he could burst from the sheer joy of knowing for once, he didn’t have to hide. For once, he could just be normal, at ease with someone he was finding he really, truly cared about. Here, he could be as close to Richard as he pleased.

“I don’t want to let go of you now that I have you,” Richard said, his eyes tracing lines along Thomas’s face. “Especially with all these men making eyes at you.”

Thomas smirked and stepped closer, their hips bumping. “If you want to dance with me, you’ll have to let me go. But you’re the only one I’m making eyes at tonight.” 

Richard smiled bashfully, his cheeks squished by his grin. He dropped Thomas’s hand with a reluctant squeeze, and they shrugged out of their coats and jackets, laying gloves and hats on the table. Thomas took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt a bit, and a gleam of silver caught Richard’s eye. 

Thomas stilled when Richard put his hand on Thomas’s chest, the heavy weight of the pendant between them. Thomas suddenly felt very out of breath. 

“You keep it there all the time?” Richard asked. Thomas stepped closer, the music fading out as he focused on the feeling of Richard’s hand on him. He reached up and wrapped his hands around Richard’s arms, and Richard’s free hand came to rest on Thomas’s hip. It was the first time they’d been this close, holding each other simply because they wanted to, no one in sight who would arrest them or hurt them for it.

“I do,” Thomas said. “I find it comforting. I still want to know the meaning behind it.” Richard met his eyes and smiled. Thomas traced circles on the sleeves of Richard’s shirt, feeling skin underneath and a quiet strength that Thomas longed to explore.

“My mother said that other cultures believe every person holds the spirit of the moon and the sun in them,” Richard started. “Dualities that round us out as people. But sometimes we have to find a person who complements us because we have more of one or the other in us.” Richard splayed his hand on Thomas’s chest, his thumb tracing the moon on the pendant. “My mother called me her sunshine and said that I had to find someone who could be…” He paused and swallowed. “Someone who could be the moon in my night sky.” 

Richard looked at Thomas with a rawness that Thomas recognized as vulnerability. Thomas lifted a hand and covered Richard’s where it rested on his chest, their fingers weaving together like they belonged hand in hand. 

“I’ve always known more of the dark,” he said softly. “I could use a bit of sunshine in my life.” 

Richard smiled, embarrassed and hesitant but his next words were spoken with assurance. 

“Dance with me?” 

Thomas grinned and let Richard pull him onto the dance floor, a cheerful and bouncy tune bolstering them into a jig that had them careening across the room. They danced and danced, laughing and shouting with the other men in the club like they didn’t have a care in the world. 

And really, Thomas supposed, in this safe space where men could be whoever they wanted, the world’s cares could fade away for a few hours, while they danced, drank, and talked. He’d never felt as carefree or as much himself. 

When the dancing died down, the band played one last song, a slow waltz, and Thomas couldn’t help but grin as Richard pulled them closer, their arms wrapped around each other. It wasn’t a proper dancing stance, but Thomas could care less when Richard’s arms were around his waist and his own hands were resting around Richard’s neck, running his fingers through Richard’s hair. Their breath started to slow and they drifted ever closer. 

“I don’t want this night to end,” Thomas whispered, thinking of how the last thing he wanted to do was go to bed alone. 

Richard smiled softly, swallowing nervously. “There are…” he paused, searching Thomas’s face. “Well, there are rooms here, to rent. I’ve never used them before but I had a friend who did and he said they’re rather nice.” Thomas raised his eyebrows. 

Would wonders never cease in this secret world? Would it actually be possible for him to spend the night with Richard without worrying about getting killed? 

Richard spoke again. “I’m not ready to walk you back quite yet.” His voice was quiet, his mouth whispering next to Thomas’s ear. “We don’t have to do anything. I just want to be near you.” His hands around Thomas’s waist trembled and Thomas pulled his head back to look Richard in the eye. 

For so much of their courtship so far, Richard had taken the lead. He’s kissed Thomas first, given him the pendant to remember him by, written him the first letter, planned this whole excursion, each step of the way somehow knowing Thomas needed the reassurance that he wasn’t just teasing or pretending or joking. 

The tremble in Richard’s hands made Thomas sure. Richard wanted this as much as he did and he’d be damned if he gave up this chance with someone he was starting to care for. He’d never found someone else who understood him like Richard, someone he could talk as easily with. He wasn’t going to miss this chance to be happy.

“Let’s rent one, then,” Thomas said, keeping eye contact. “We have time until tomorrow. I want to be with you as much as I can.” 

Richard smiled and leaned in to kiss Thomas on the temple. Thomas blushed, but kissed him back, on the cheek, and they walked to the bar to see if a room was free. 

They split the cost and gathered their coats and hats and made their way up a back set of stairs. They looked like servants stairs, and Thomas supposed they were in what once was a fine house. They opened a door onto the third floor and he followed Richard closely into their room. 

Thomas turned the nearest lamp on and it illuminated the room: one large bed, two night tables, a wardrobe, a vanity, two chairs by a fireplace, and a window looking out onto a park. Simple but comfortable. They hung their coats and hats by the door and Thomas strode over to the fireplace, banking the coals and quickly starting a small fire. 

“Did you work as a hall boy?” Richard asked, sitting in one of the chairs by the fireplace, his knee gently bumping Thomas’s shoulder where he kneeled in front of the fireplace. Thomas leaned into him wondering absently if he could kiss Richard on the knee.

“I started as a footman, but during the war and other times when the house was understaffed, I’ve occasionally had to start the fires.” Thomas shrugged. “I put up a fuss back then about how it was beneath me, but it’s a useful skill.” 

“Indeed,” Richard said. Thomas stood and looked down at Richard. He’d removed his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt a little, and was looking up at Thomas like he couldn’t quite believe his luck. 

Thomas reached out his hand and Richard took it in his own, looking at Thomas with childlike wonder, a grin stretching wide on his face. 

“We’re finally alone,” Thomas said, smirking a bit. 

“Is it a new experience for you?” Richard asked, rubbing his thumb along Thomas’s knuckles.

Thomas shrugged again. “I’ve had one… lover, I guess you could call him, but that was over ten years ago and he was a Duke. You’re never truly alone is those big houses. There was always the threat of other servants walking in, and he wasn’t exactly kind to me. Is this new for you?”

Richard squeezed Thomas’s hand and stood. 

“I mentioned in my letters the other man I was close to,” Richard said and Thomas nodded. “He was a friend of the king’s son, so we were never alone either. He only ever kissed me twice, because he said it was too risky.”

Thomas raised a hand to cup Richard’s cheek. “Richard… I’ve never felt safer than I have tonight with you.” 

Richard stepped closer and Thomas slid the hand not holding Richard’s around his waist. Richard’s arms came around Thomas, and they were chest to chest, their faces an inch apart. Richard ran his nose along Thomas’s cheek. 

“I hope I haven’t been too bold,” Richard said. Thomas wasn’t sure if he was talking about their letters or this courtship or the dancing, but Thomas could hardly care. 

Thomas smiled softly. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have responded as I have. Your boldness makes me brave.” 

Richard met Thomas’s eyes, his gaze heated and kind and full of longing. Thomas leaned in hesitantly, but Richard leaned in to meet him, and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

It was familiar in a way, because Richard had kissed Thomas once before, but this time, Andy wasn’t there to interrupt, and Thomas melted into the kiss, his hand resting gently on Richard’s cheek, Richard’s hands roaming over his back. 

Thomas couldn’t remember when he’d kissed someone who seemed to care for him so much. The way Richard was gentle, but firm, his tongue tracing Thomas’s lips, his hands holding onto Thomas like he never wanted to let go, overwhelmed Thomas and he pulled back for a moment, breathing heavily.

“Alright?” Richard asked after a moment. Thomas nodded, wanting to ease the concern in Richard’s eyes. 

“I… that was…” he sighed, happier than he expected, “wonderful.” 

And this time, he kissed Richard. Thomas smiled into the kiss, felt Richard smile too and their teeth clinked. They both chuckled and smiled and kissed and Richard ran his hands through Thomas’s hair, and Thomas pressed them close and he wondered if this was what it was supposed to be like. What it could be like when you were with someone you trusted. 

Richard slowly kissed along Thomas’s cheek, nuzzling his nose into Thomas’s hair. Thomas’s heart was pounding and he let his forehead fall to Richard’s shoulder, his breath heavy. Richard wrapped his arms around Thomas, holding him close, and pressing tender kisses just behind Thomas’s ear. 

“Never apologize for being bold, Richard,” Thomas said, his voice muffled from where his face was nestled into Richard’s neck. “We never would have been here if you hadn’t.” 

Richard chuckled warmly and Thomas felt it to his core. 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Richard said. 

Eventually, after what felt like an age, they stepped apart, Thomas tending to the fire and Richard making up a late-night cup of tea. They sat in the chairs and talked while they drank their tea, letting their hands roam over each other as they pleased. Thomas found he loved the feeling of Richard’s thighs under his hands, loved the way Richard held both his hands without cringing. Richard saw the scars on Thomas’s wrists and didn’t ask, but didn’t seem put off by them either; he just absently ran his thumb over the scars. 

Thomas wondered when would be a good time to tell him some of the darker parts of his past, but then Richard looked at him, smiled his cheeky smile that brought out slight dimples and he figured he would save the conversation for another day. It seemed, if he was reading the signs right (and it certainly seemed he was) that he had much more time than he’d ever dreamed.

At long last, they climbed into bed, naturally choosing sides. Thomas found himself shaking a little at the prospect of sharing a bed with another man, but Richard snuggled into the sheets and smirked an invitation for Thomas to join him and Thomas wouldn’t have said no if someone paid him a million pounds. Thomas turned the lamp out and settled in, and Richard tangled their hands together. They fell asleep hand in hand, both sharing the same smile.

The next morning dawned bright and Thomas woke up to find himself cocooned in strong arms. There was gentle breathing behind him, and he traced circles in Richard’s forearms, burrowing back a bit into Richard’s chest. He was sturdy and strong and for the first time in his life, Thomas found himself feeling at peace. There was someone who actually liked him, cared about him, and maybe it wasn’t legal to care about each other, but they _did_ , and they could perhaps make this work. 

Thomas willed himself not to think of having to say goodbye until December. He had someone who cared for him, obviously and freely and wildly, and he had never felt so lucky. He couldn’t help but smile when he heard Richard breathe in deep and smack his lips and clutch Thomas closer to his chest. 

Richard groaned. “Sixteen years of service and I’ll never be able to sleep past five in the morning, no matter how late I’m awake.” 

Thomas rolled over and grinned at Richard’s sleepy face. “Me neither. But I guess that means we’ll have a similar sleep schedule whenever we see each other.” He didn’t quite realize what he said until Richard propped himself up on his elbow and grinned down at him. 

“Are you saying you want to do this again?” Richard asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “Share a bed, spend the night together?”

“If you’ll have me,” Thomas said, echoing the way he’d signed off his first letter to Richard. His old hesitations would die hard, but there was a part of Thomas that wanted something more with Richard. He wanted to try if Richard would. 

Richard moved to hover over Thomas, his arms bracketing either side of his chest. He smiled and bent down with a gentle kiss. It was warm, sleepy, perfect, and Thomas decided then and there that he’d wake up to Richard every morning if he could. 

“I’ll have you,” Richard said lowly. “As long as you’ll let me, I’ll have you.” 

“And I’ll have you?” Thomas asked, sure he knew the answer but wanting to hear it anyways. 

Richard grinned and kissed Thomas quite thoroughly. He was breathless when Richard backed away, his hands clutching at Richard’s nightshirt. 

“You’re the moon in my night sky, Thomas,” Richard said. “There’s no one else I want like I want you. I said that I wouldn’t pursue anyone unless I knew what I wanted, and I’ll say it until it gets through your apparently thick skull: I want you. I’m yours.” 

Thomas surged up to kiss Richard, threading one hand through his hair, the other on his lower back to pull him closer into Thomas’s chest. Richard kissed back with fervor, the kiss much more intense than the other kisses they’d shared. Thomas licked at Richard’s lips, aching to be as close as possible. Richard parted his lips, and they explored each other, giving and receiving till they were breathless. 

The physicality had always been where Thomas was most comfortable. The few dalliances he’d had as a younger man were wholly physical and nothing else and even as he sank into kissing Richard he could tell something was different. 

He knew almost completely that Richard cared more for him than just another man to sleep with and leave. His letters, the way he listened, the way he gently teased, the way he touched Thomas just to be near him and not to be sexual, all proved that Richard wasn’t just interested to get Thomas into bed. 

Even though that’s exactly where they were and Thomas was feeling hard-pressed to move out from under the perfect weight of Richard on top of him. Richard was running his hand along Thomas’s cheek, up and down his arm and side, as if he was trying to feel every inch of Thomas at once. 

They broke apart, both breathless, sweaty, aroused, and grinning like mad. Richard rolled onto his side, tangling his legs with Thomas’s and propping himself up on his elbow again. 

“We really don’t have time for all the things I wish we could do,” he said, “because we need breakfast and to get you back in time.” 

Thomas nodded. “I never want to leave this bed with you. But I suppose duty calls.”

Richard rolled back on top of Thomas for one last, long, heart-stopping kiss, before rolling out of bed with a sigh. He glanced back to watch Thomas sit up and swing his legs out from under the sheets, and Thomas’s resolve almost broke at the longing and fondness on Richard’s face. 

“If you keep looking at me like that,” Thomas said, standing and stretching his back, “you’ll never get rid of me.”

Richard was in front of him in an instant, hands on Thomas’s hips, crowding into his space. “I hope that’s a promise, Mr. Barrow.” 

Thomas cupped Richard’s face and smirked. “Absolutely, Mr. Ellis.” 

Richard kissed him but pulled back with a groan. 

“Clothes,” he said, “now.” 

Thomas smirked wickedly. “Am I taking them off or putting them on?” 

Richard laughed out loud and pulled Thomas away from the bed, sitting them down in the chairs by the fire to put their shoes and shirts on. Just as they stood to put their coats on Richard reached out a hand and traced the lines of Thomas’s neck to the chain around it, pulling out the pendant. He smiled at it, running his fingers through it before tucking it back under Thomas’s collar. 

Thomas grasped at his hand. “Richard, I… have something for you, if you’d like.” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small stopwatch. 

“It’s the only thing my father gave me, back when I first started working on clocks with him,” Thomas said. “Back when he still… well, back when we still got along at times. It reminds me of how far I’ve come, but I hope now it can remind you of me.”

Richard took it gingerly, popping it open and running his thumb over the face of it. It was a handsome watch, wrought in silver with fine carving on the front and a mother-of-pearl face. In all the years Thomas had had it, it had always told the time accurately. Richard closed it and tucked it into the pocket of his vest, close to his heart. 

“I was hoping I could have something to remember you by,” Richard said. “Not that I need the help, but knowing it belongs to you…” he trailed off and Thomas grasped at Richard’s hand. Richard lifted Thomas's hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. 

“I’ll be counting the days until I can see you again,” Richard said softly.

Thomas’s heart fluttered and he couldn’t help but blush. He pulled Richard in close and kissed him, somehow trying to convey all the care and fondness he had for him. Richard melted into Thomas, the two of them blissfully connected, wrapped around one another, safe from the world, and safe with each other. 

Later that afternoon, Thomas walked back through the servants entrance of Grantham House, a clandestine kiss from Richard on his lips, his moon pendant resting on his chest, and the promise of a letter and of Christmas in his heart. Despite feeling like he was sending part of his heart to the palace with Richard, he grinned to himself, feeling happier and more at ease than he could remember feeling in his whole life. 

He met Anna first and she smiled knowingly at him. 

“Did you and Mr. Ellis have a good time, Mr. Barrow?” She asked, searching his face with a smirk. 

Thomas just grinned and nodded, looking bashfully down at his feet. “We had a lovely time,” he said, knowing his voice betrayed just how good a time. He felt he was wearing his heart on his sleeve for everyone to see, but the joy he felt wouldn’t be smothered. And he didn’t want it to end anyways.

Anna smiled and touched Thomas’s arm. “I’m happy for you,” she whispered with a wink. She walked off to the servants’ hall, leaving Thomas to take in a shaky breath. 

He wanted to shout from the rooftops how happy he was, that finally, he had someone who cared about him just as much as he cared about them. That at long last, he’d found what could possibly be love, and he was dizzy with the bliss of it. He was Richard’s and Richard was his, and Thomas felt that from now on, no matter how things went with Richard, his life would be forever changed. 

He walked back to his office and hung up his coat. A crinkling noise made him pause and he searched his pockets, pulling out a small letter. His name was on the front, in a now familiar slanting, purposeful script. 

Thomas smiled, shut the door to his office, and sat down, opening the letter with a bit more eagerness than he had the first one. He grinned as he began to read, and suddenly, Richard didn’t seem so far away at all. 

_5 October 1927_

_My dear Thomas,_

_I hope you find this letter sooner rather than later because I’m putting quite a bit of stock in the hunch that you’re a man who frequently checks his pockets. I couldn’t bear to wait to write you, so I wanted to send you with something else from me, since I can’t be with you._

_If you’re wondering where I found the time to write you a letter without you knowing, it’s because I woke up in the middle of the night. You were sleeping peacefully next to me and I felt such fondness for you that I knew I couldn’t just leave this to chance. So I left our bed for a moment, to write you this letter to find when you return. I hope it means you’ll write me soon, and I won’t have to wait as long to hear from you._

_I couldn’t quite believe my luck yesterday when you really were there at Grantham House waiting for me. You took my breath away, I can’t describe it better than that. Last night was so much more than I’d hoped. I never expected to get to spend a whole night with you, but I’m glad I asked. More than glad… I’m exuberant._

_We couldn’t stop talking last night and I feel like there’s still so much of you I want to know, so much of me I want to share. I have so many questions for you but I shouldn’t bombard you with them. I’ll start instead with a leading question: what do you usually do for Christmas? It doesn’t sound like you’re close to your family, but do you visit them?_

_As I write this, I’m sitting by the fire and you’re sound asleep in bed, but I already miss you. If there was a way I could see you every time I wake up in the middle of the night, I’d spend everything I have to get it. As soon as I finish this, I’m climbing back into bed and holding you close._

_I hope these sentiments aren’t too bold, but you did tell me to not apologize for being bold. I hope you know what sort of dam you’ve opened up, darling. My fondness for you could only be contained for so long._

_Ever yours,_

_Richard_

5 October 1927

Dearest Richard,

Finding your letter in my coat pocket made me giddy. I hated leaving you, but your letter made me feel as if you were closer to me. 

Do you regularly wake up in the middle of the night? I’m sorry if you do; we get such little sleep in service as it is. But I’m not sorry you used the time to write to me. Hopefully next time we spend the night together, you can sleep more easily.

I couldn’t believe my luck when you walked into my office. I hope we have many more days and nights like yesterday and last night. I’ve never felt happier than when I’m with you. You felt like an oasis of calm in a world that can seem chaotically opposed to who we are. 

I have many questions for you too, Richard. And I find I actually want to share some of my past with you. That’s not something I share lightly; I didn’t have the easiest childhood. In fact, that helps me answer your question about Christmas. Both my parents have passed, and my sister and I fell out a number of years ago, so I usually stay at Downton for Christmas. It’s quiet and I use the time to catch up on my reading.

What do you usually do for Christmas? You sound close to your family, especially if your sister knits you blankets and your mother gives you pendants. I can’t say I know what that’s like, but your mother sounds like a particularly interesting woman. You haven’t mentioned your father though, or what he does. 

I miss you and we’ve only been apart a day. But the promise of seeing you in December, and knowing this letter will warrant another one from you, makes the missing a bit less painful. And I think I have to say you aren’t allowed to apologize for your boldness anymore. You may call me darling whenever you please if I may call you dear. 

Yours and yours and yours,

Thomas

_12 October 1927_

_Darling Thomas,_

_Now that I have your permission it seems I can’t come up with enough endearments to acknowledge you. Every moment I think of you (which is almost every moment) a slew of pet names comes to mind, each of them begging to be said out loud. December is so far._

_From what you’d mentioned of your family, I guessed that you would be the sort to stay at Downton for Christmas. I’d like to offer you an alternative, if you’ll have me. I’ve written to my parents and mentioned I made a new friend and my mother has invited you to Christmas. We’d celebrate the day after Christmas on 26 December, and mama says you’re invited for the whole day. I’d love to have you with me, if you’ll come._

_My parents weren’t well off when I joined the service, but my father and mother both since have started their own businesses: my father in woodworking and my mother in dressmaking. They do well now, so Christmas dinner is usually a nice supper with my parents, sister and brother-in-law, my niece and nephew, followed by cards and drinks. Simple, but they make it special. It’d be even more special to have you there._

_I know this seems a bold request, and maybe one that’s unfamiliar to you, but I can’t bear the image of you alone at Christmas when we could be together… there’s nothing I want more than to have you near me when we can manage it. If it eases your worry, my mother, father, sister and brother-in-law know of my affection for men and have accepted me warmly. They’ll accept you just the same._

_And to answer your question, I do have a bit of trouble sleeping, but only when life feels full to bursting. I couldn’t sleep when we were together because I was in a state of shock that I got to have you at all. Usually, I sleep alright._

_I’m finding I need to keep a list of questions I want to ask you through letters and questions I want to ask you in person. For instance, I want to know about your sister, but that seems very much an in-person question, rather than a question for our letters._

_Write me soon, my darling. I find I’m a bit nervous sending this letter and the request it bears._

_Yours, hopefully, and wistfully,_

_Richard_

19 October 1927

Dearest Richard, 

My dear, I find that I am the nervous one now. I’ve never been invited to a family Christmas and even as I want to say yes, I find I’m nervous to shaking that I won’t be a welcome addition. But you say I’d be welcomed warmly and I trust you. So… yes. I would love to spend Christmas with your family. It sounds lovely. Perhaps then you can work your way through that list of endearments you’re compiling. I have my own list.

Although I can’t imagine so many people being so alright with how we are. It makes me thrilled and nervous all at the same time… I can’t even fathom it. Which in a way, draws me more to say yes as well. Especially if it makes you happy. And I do love children… tell me about your niece and nephew, please. 

And I can tell you about my sister in our letters… the story is quite simple really. She doesn’t like that I prefer men. My father was rather hard on me when he found out, and my mother couldn’t stand up to him, so I was kicked out of the house (which is how I found Downton) and my sister eventually wrote me to tell me she was cutting ties. She only wrote again to inform me of our parents’ death and to reiterate that she didn’t want anything to do with me. 

We weren’t particularly close growing up, and Phyllis is actually one of her childhood friends, but from what I gather they fell out as well. I don’t even know where my sister lives now. I know she married but I wasn’t invited to the wedding, and I don’t know if I’m an uncle. You’re very lucky to be one… I’m rather close to the children at Downton and I find them charming and fun nearly all the time.

December does seem so far away… I would do most anything to see you, but I’m not sure if I’ll have time for a trip to London that’s more than a few hours at most, especially as winter approaches. But I can’t help but look forward to seeing you in December, now that there’s a promise for such merriment. I don’t usually look forward to Christmas but I might just do so this year. 

Yours, assuredly,

Thomas

_26 October 1927_

_Darling,_

_I can guarantee you’ll be welcome. I phoned my sister just yesterday and she’s been after me for years to bring someone home, and I’m sure she about jumped out of her skin when I told her you’d be coming. She asked me a million questions, and said “Well, Rich, if you’re bringing him home, he must be special. I love him already.”_

_And she’s right, of course. You are special to me. So special in fact, Mr. Wilson, of all people, asked why I was grinning like a madman when I received your letter. I know at work I should keep my giddy pleasure from being too obvious, which just means that when I see you next, in the safety of my parents home and with their blessing, I’ll be as giddy as I please to have you by my side._

_It’s full steam ahead for me these days, until the King and Queen let most of their staff have a substantial Christmas holiday. I have five days to be home in York, starting with a train from London on the 26 December. Perhaps you can meet me at the station and we can arrive at my parents’ together? Mama reiterated in her last letter that you’re welcome as long as you’re able. I’d just swoon if you could be there as long as I will, and I’m not a swooning sort of man._

_I am sorry to hear about your sister. It’s a shame that the common view is that we’re wrong. I’ve never felt wrong about you, and I hold out hope that perhaps someday, as you said, they’ll see things our way. From what you’ve told me, however, Phyllis seems to be a rather dear friend. No one replaces family I suppose, but perhaps too, we choose our own family? To some extent anyway._

_But you asked about my niece and nephew. My niece Mae is seven and smart as a whip. She’s constantly got her nose in a book and has a wicked sense of humor. My nephew, William is four, and still chubby and bubbly and sweet. He’s rather affectionate and if he likes you, you’ll find yourself with him stationed on your lap for the better part of an hour._

_Since I won’t have children of my own, they’re the pride and joy of my life. Mae thinks it’s just splendid that I work for the King, and asks often after the horses. I tell her she should worry less about the King and more about how to use her smarts for bettering life for the common man._

_Christmas is still too far, but I keep your watch in my breast pocket at all times. It’s a fine piece, and every time I use it, I think of you and our night together._

_Stay sharp, my darling Thomas, and wait for me. We’ll be together soon._

_Affectionately and fondly yours,_

_Richard_

4 November 1927

Dearest, 

I had to bite back a grin, opening this letter with such an endearment, because you really are so dear to me. If your family is anything like you, I imagine I’ll like them very much. Your sister is very kind and I’m looking forward to meeting her and the rest of your family. 

Tell me when your train gets in and I’ll be at the station. I’m not sure how yet how many days I can arrange, but I’ll do what I can. The more time with you the better, for I can’t keep my giddiness at bay either. Andy handed me your last letter with this knowing grin, and a wink of all things, so I think he’s cottoned on. I’m not sure what I’m doing to be so obvious but… perhaps when you feel this way about someone, it seeps out of you without your control. 

I am resigned to not knowing my sister. There are many people in the world and my preferences have already robbed me of many things. I find with you, however, that those things don’t seem as horrible as they did. I used to be so down all the time about what life had allotted me. I never thought I could be this happy. Or that there would be people who would welcome me with open arms, not in spite of who I am, but because of it. Because of what I mean to someone who means a great deal to me.

Your niece and nephew sounds like lovely children. Master George, Lady Mary’s son, asked me to go on a walk yesterday, so we went tromping through the woods and caught frogs and chased after the dogs, and he asked if I knew his father. He passed away the day George was born so I can imagine George wants to know more. I didn’t know Mister Crawley that well, but I told George what I could. His stepfather Henry is a good influence and very kind, but I suppose there’s something particular about one’s father. 

Although, Lady Mary has always been close to Carson, who was butler before me, and I like to think that perhaps my role can extend to that for the children of Lady Mary. They’ll need someone to stand up for them in ways their parents cannot. 

Does it ever scare you how the world is changing? It seems to be moving so quickly sometimes, but I find I’m more eager to meet it than I was when I was younger. The world George and Mae and William will grow up in is so different from the one we knew and in a way it gives me hope. 

Waiting and affectionately, fondly, helplessly, yours, 

Thomas

_14 November 1927_

_Darling,_

_I agree, opening our letters with such endearments is rather thrilling. I’ve never had anyone to call darling before and I’ll be the first to admit I never want to stop. As for my family, if you took young George stomping through the woods looking for frogs, William will adore you the moment he meets you. As will the rest of my family. As did I._

_I plan to catch the morning train and will be at the station at 9:05. From there we can catch a cab or borrow a car. Just bring yourself… we don’t exchange gifts, except for the children. You being there with me will be the best gift I could ask for._

_I’ve become rather fond of Andy, the more you write of him. He seems a good sort and I’m glad you have people who seem to support you… support us. Perhaps you’re not as alone as you think, Mr. Barrow. Has there been any movement on his and Daisy’s wedding?_

_Your paragraph about feeling down about the world… about how being with me makes you happy… my darling Thomas, it made me miss you so much more. It’ll take all my self-control to not kiss you on the platform at the station, if just to prove you are precious to someone in the world._

_I’m not sure how people pick up on these things… some are more perceptive than others. I’m not particularly close with my co-workers at the palace, but I do have cheerful relationships with them. They haven’t caught on quite yet that I have someone special I’m writing to. Not that they’ve let on anyways. I think the only one who would notice would be Mr. Wilson and lord knows he wouldn’t bring it up with me._

_I, like you it seems, am eager for the world to change. Especially since the war, it seems like so many things have changed in so little time, that I wonder how society isn’t completely different already. There are things I hope for in the future, things I dread, but I know it will come whether I’m ready for not, and I must rise to meet it. And I’m finding that whenever I include you in that future, it is much less frightening and more just exciting. I find I include you in my musings of the future quite often._

_Completely and entirely yours,_

_Richard_

25 November 1927

Dearest, 

My dear man, the things you write make my heart flutter. You say you’re not a swooning sort of man and I would say I’m not the type of man whose heart flutters. Yet, here we are, swooning and fluttering away because of each other. What are we going to do when we’re in each other’s company? Your poor parents won’t be able to engage us in conversation at all. 

I’ll be ready and waiting at the train station when you arrive. Just over a month now, my dear. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again, though I know we’ll have to be a bit circumspect and wait till we’re in private. It can’t come fast enough.

Andy is a good sort and very good for Daisy. Daisy is a woman who knows her own mind, and she has her own opinions… she’s very much like Lady Edith (Lady Hexham now)... smart as a whip and inherently kind. It took Daisy a bit of time to wrap her mind around wanting to be married but Andy did something to persuade her and they’ll be marrying just after the New Year, on 2 January. It will be a small affair, just some family and the Downton staff and I wouldn’t be surprised if Lady Edith or Lady Mary make an appearance. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a wedding, at least from the staff. 

I think I might be a bit more obvious than the average person. I can’t help but wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes… Phyllis knows me best and she’s weaseled out a good amount of information about you. She’s very impressed with you, by the way, and wants to meet you again “as my beau”, as she said. I suppose she is the closest thing to family I have now, so I must meet her demand. Perhaps in the new year you can come to Downton for a bit and she can properly question you for your intentions. 

I shudder to think of what Mr. Wilson would think of us. How’re you getting on these days? We’ve been so distracted talking about how we can’t wait to be together, I hardly know what your days have been like.

Wouldn’t it be something if we could care for each other and not worry about arrest or death? I think I’d cry if that day ever comes. It would mean I’d get to be close to you in public, with no societal ramifications at least. Perhaps even further in the future, we could hope for something more. I’d like to explore that with you, no matter how close or far that future is.

Thoroughly yours, 

Thomas

_1 December 1927_

_Darling Thomas,_

_Twenty-five days and I’ll have you again. I can’t tell you how eager I am to see you, see your smile, hear your laugh, be as near to you as I please. I honestly think my mother will be so excited to see me so fond of someone that she won’t mind if we’re wrapped up in each other. But she will want to question you on your intentions too… so I’ll have to make an appointment with Phyllis to ease her mind. Good thing we have such caring women in our lives._

_Maybe I’m more of a swooning man than I think. Maybe your heart flutters more than you think. Maybe it’s just the effect we have on each other… if that’s the case, I’m alright with that. It just means seeing each other affects you just as much as it affects me. Do you know how many days we’ll have together?_

_I wish I could attend Daisy and Andy’s wedding with you, as yours. Maybe someday we could attend a wedding together, as Andy and Daisy will after they marry. Another hope for the future we both seem eager for. I feel I could take on the world with you at my side._

_I have to be back at the palace on New Year’s Eve regardless. Be sure to note all the details of the wedding though… I’ve become a bit fond of them through your letters and I want to wish them well. I do love a good wedding… don’t tell Mr. Wilson, but I’m a romantic at heart._

_Which, since you asked, I can tell you that my days have been particularly dull as of late. The King and Queen have their usual dinners and events, the staff and I keep busy as usual, I still have my free time to write to you and my mother, my sister has time to pester me about my affection for you, and I’ve found myself sketching in the parks in London as of late. I used to draw quite frequently as a child, but when I went into service I lost the time. As I get older though, more efficient and with more free time, I find I revert back to it. It’s nothing special, just sketches of animals and scenery, but I enjoy it._

_Are you staying warm at Downton? My fire went out last night and I was shivering like mad till I got it going again. A silly mistake but I’d been up late polishing some boots. It’s not something to be avoided entirely. I hope your fire hasn’t gone out and you’re warm enough. To say I’m eager to see you is an understatement._

_Yours, with tentative love,_

_Richard_

11 December 1927

My dear Richard, 

Seventeen days, my dear. Seventeen days. Mrs. Bates asked me what I was doing for Christmas and she grinned so wide when I mentioned you that I thought her face would nearly split! I didn’t used to get along with her or her husband, but now I find they’re my biggest supporters aside from Phyllis. Mr. Bates and I had a conversation about gifts just the other day… their son is turning three on New Year’s Eve, so we discussed popular toys. He asked if you had any nieces or nephew and I mentioned Mae and William, and John Bates, my old enemy, said he was glad I’d have a bit of young cheer when I visited you. 

I may just have to call him a friend after this holiday. We’ve been cordial for a couple years now, but this might just push us to closer acquaintance. He and Andy have been dropping gift ideas for “fathers” and “brothers” whenever I’m in the room and I can’t help but take the hint. I know you said no gifts, but I did find you a small token of my affection. I was out getting gifts for a few other friends and saw something that had to be yours. 

I’ll be sure to include as many details as I can regarding Andy and Daisy’s wedding. It would be lovely to have you there with me, but we can have the next best thing and I’ll try me best to write you the picture. 

I didn’t know you sketched! Might I see some of your sketches when we’re together? If you don’t mind sharing, I’d like to see them. 

I’m just warm enough. We’re high enough in the house that the heat travels up and my fireplace is reliable at least. I sometimes envy your knitted blanket, but I have a pair of socks that Phyllis gave me a number of years ago and as long as my toes are warm, the rest of me is. 

It almost seems too good to be true, but we’ll be together in less than three weeks. I can hardly wait. I have to be back at Downton on 29 December, but otherwise, I’m yours.

Yours, sending love in return, 

Thomas

_20 December 1927_

_My darling,_

_Just six days now. This letter will probably get to you before I do, but I doubt with the festivities you’ll have time to write me before I leave. I’ll see you at the station at 9:05 sharp. I can hardly wait to see you and for four days at that! It will be a happy Christmas indeed._

_I’ll keep this letter brief, only to say I adore you, I’m eager to see you, and I’ve been dreaming of having you to myself for months. It truly cannot come fast enough._

_Yours, with love,_

_Richard_

The morning of the twenty-six dawned bright and cold and Thomas stood on the platform wrapped in his thickest coat and warmest gloves. It was going to be a cold winter, but as the train from London pulled into the station, he felt a warmth course through him. 

Within moments, he spotted Richard stepping off the train, his face searching the crowd. Their eyes met and Thomas couldn’t help but grin as they made their way to each other. 

They’d spoken on the phone two days prior, arranging details and holding back endearments. It had been good to hear Richard’s voice, and Thomas felt a bit more prepared for Richard’s arrival. Mrs. Hughes had reminded Thomas that he didn’t need to worry about Downton while he was gone and to enjoy himself. 

Now, Thomas couldn’t help but wonder if Mrs. Hughes knew more than she let on. If she did, he found he almost didn’t mind… Richard was walking towards him on the platform and Thomas could hardly care about anyways else.

“Mr. Ellis,” Thomas said, holding out his hand. Richard smirked back, taking his hand and shaking it. 

“Mr. Barrow,” Richard replied, and somehow infused all his affection and care into Thomas’s name. They stood grinning at each other like idiots just for a moment, the hustle of the train station fading away in the light that they were actually, physically back to one another.

“How was the train?” Thomas asked, releasing Richard’s hand reluctantly. 

Richard shrugged. “It’s always an easy run, but I think it’s quieter, the day after Christmas. I had a car to myself.” 

Richard gestured behind them and they went to the counter to borrow a car. Neither spoke more than they had to, Thomas for fear he’d give away the plot and call Richard “dear” in front of the conductor. Richard paid, and they walked into the street and climbed into the car. They settled their luggage, shut the doors, and both breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Darling,” Richard began, just as Thomas started with “My dear Richard,” and they chuckled breathlessly. Thomas felt his cheeks turn pink, internally battling between jumping into Richard’s lap then and there, and running away to hide from the anxious excitement that was so unfamiliar to him. 

Richard started the car, eased it onto the road, and spoke again, the sound of his voice and the vibrations of the car calming Thomas’s erratic heart. 

“I miscounted how strong my self-control is,” Richard said, putting the car into gear before reaching a hand out to grasp at Thomas’s. 

“You and me both,” Thomas said. “It’s so good to see you.” 

“I’m still a bit in shock that we have four days together,” Richard said, his hand a warm, steady pressure where it rested in Thomas’s lap. “Mama is thrilled but I have plans.”

“Plans?” Thomas asked, teasing and gleeful at the smile on Richard’s face. 

“I’m not letting out of my sight if I can help it,” Richard said, and Thomas marveled at the freedom in his sentence. 

“I still can’t quite believe that your family is alright with… well, us,” Thomas said. “I’m so used to hiding who I am, or at least not talking about it. I’m not sure I’ll know how to act when we’re at your parents’ home and I know they won’t judge me or us.” 

Richard squeezed Thomas’s hand. “I wouldn’t encourage you to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m not going to kiss you senseless in front of them… although I can’t say anything about when we’re alone.” 

Thomas lifted Richard’s hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle in turn. 

“But mama truly is excited to meet you,” Richard said. “My father will probably ask about the grandfather clock they have in the hall. It’s been slightly off time since they purchased it. I know Mae and William know I’m bringing someone home, and apparently Mae is convinced you’re a prince.” 

Thomas laughed out loud at that. “A prince?” He said incredulously. “Well, if I am a prince, then I suppose that makes you a prince too, doesn’t it? I won’t be a prince by myself.” 

“What a fairytale that would be,” Richard said good naturedly. He released Thomas’s hand as they pulled into York and down a small lane of nice houses. Thomas swallowed his nerves, suddenly feeling clammy and shaky. But he got out of the car once it was parked, gathered his suitcase, and followed Richard up the stairs.

Richard rang the bell, turning to touch Thomas’s shoulder on the stoop behind him. “I’m glad you’re here, Thomas,” he said. “So so glad.” 

The door opened and they were greeted by a woman who looked so similar to Richard that Thomas could only assume she was his mother. She had his red-toned hair, bright eyes, and charming smile, and looked nothing short of pleased to see both gentlemen on her stoop.

“Richard, darling boy,” she said with a warm smile, “it’s good to see you.” She turned to Thomas. “You must be Mr. Barrow! We’re so glad to have you join us.” If possible her grin widened. He nodded. 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs. Ellis,” Thomas said, smiling back at her, feeling already at ease. Richard had to have learned his calm and steady attitude from somewhere, after all. 

“It’s great to see you, mum,” Richard said, giving her a kiss. “Can we get in out of the cold?” 

She swatted his arm and ushered them inside, closing the door and keeping the cold out behind them. They followed her urging to hang their coats on the hooks by the door, and Thomas glanced around him. 

It was a simple house, but fine, with some artwork in the hall and the sounds of a fire and chatting in another room. Something smelled delicious from the kitchen, and the whole house seemed cozy and quaint, like something out of a storybook Thomas had read as a boy. 

“Your father and sister and family are in the drawing room,” Mrs. Ellis said, “but let me show you where you’ll be sleeping first,” she said, turning down a hall and leading them up the stairs. 

“I hope it’s alright to assume but I’ve given you both the room by the garden window,” she said. “It’s private and quiet and you can see the lake in the morning through the trees.” She opened a door at the end of the hall and Richard and Thomas followed her in. It was a nice room, with simple but cozy furnishings and indeed, a nice window view of a garden. There was a big bed in the center, a squashy chair by the fireplace, and a desk under the window. 

“Thanks very much mum,” Richard said, placing his suitcase on the bed and kissing her cheek. Thomas followed suit, putting his suitcase down next to Richard’s on the bed. “I love this room.” Richard sat on the bed, leaning into Thomas’s side a bit, looking more relaxed than Thomas had seen him. Thomas met his eyes, Richard looking up at him with contentment in his gaze. Thomas hesitantly rubbed between Richard’s shoulders and Richard sighed.

Mrs. Ellis looked between them with a softness in her eyes. “I’m very glad you’re here, both of you.” She looked at Thomas and he had the sudden understanding that she _knew_ about him and yet had welcomed him into her home with no hesitation. Her son was practically all over Thomas and she’d hardly batted an eyelash.

“Go ahead and get settled, and come down to the drawing room,” Mrs. Ellis gestured behind her. “We can give you a chance, Mr. Barrow, to meet the rest of the family before luncheon.” 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Thomas said. “And please, call me Thomas. There’s no need for such ceremony when it’s just me amongst your family.” 

Mrs. Ellis smiled. “Very well, Thomas. We’ll see you both downstairs.” And she left, closing the bedroom door behind her. Thomas let out a shuddery breath he hadn’t known he was holding in. 

Richard stood, staying close to Thomas, and clasped their hands together. Thomas gripped him back, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. He wasn’t dreaming, was he?

“Are you alright, love?” Richard asked, stepping as close as he could, looking into Thomas’s face with a touch of concern. 

The new endearment, combined with being somewhere safe, with people who knew what he was, made Thomas almost want to cry. Being with Richard was opening up safe places all over for Thomas. He’d never imagined he’d get that lucky. 

“I…” He started and stopped, and swallowed, and tried again. “We get to share a room,” he said wonderingly. “Your mother knows about us, about _me_ , and is glad to have me here. You were leaning against me in a decidedly more-than-friendly way and she hardly noticed. It’s unfamiliar to me… to be included and not pushed around because of who I am.” 

Richard wrapped an arm around Thomas’s waist, cupping his cheek with his other hand. Thomas wrapped his arms around Richard’s shoulders and took a deep breath. 

“My darling Thomas,” Richard began, and Thomas shuddered with emotion at hearing the endearment in person again, “you will always be safe with me and with my family. We can’t protect ourselves from the rest of the world.” 

Thomas nodded and kissed Richard’s palm, feeling an intense desire to be near Richard as much as possible for as long as possible. 

“But,” Richard continued, “here, we can be exactly as we are.” 

“I’ll never be able to thank you,” Thomas said, feeling as if he’d spend his whole life making Richard smile, just to know he’d actually made someone he cared about happy. 

Richard smirked. “Thank me by being the witty, sharp, clever, handsome, wonderful man I’m so fond of.” 

Thomas grinned and let out a heavy breath, nodding. “I can’t guarantee the handsome part.” 

Richard laughed and kissed Thomas’s temple, then cheek, then chin, along the bridge of his nose, and across his forehead. Thomas giggled. 

“Kiss me on the lips, dearest, or I might make us late to luncheon,” Thomas teased, Richard pausing in his ministrations of Thomas’s face to smile softly, before kissing him soundly on the lips. 

Thomas sighed into it, Richard melted against his chest, and both men let out soft noises of contentment, as they held each other close. It eased the worries in Thomas’s heart, soothed the uncertainty and the hesitancy and when they broke apart, he felt centered. 

Richard traced his fingers along Thomas’s shirt collar. Thomas smiled, and pulled out the now familiar moon pendant, Richard’s bashful smile making Thomas’s heart flutter. He kissed Richard on the forehead and tucked the pendant back into his shirt. 

“I love that you wear it on you,” Richard said. He pulled a familiar watch from his breast pocket and Thomas felt a million happy emotions at once. He was here with someone he loved, who cared for him back, in a place that was safe. It couldn’t possibly get better than this. 

With one last kiss to Richard’s temple, Thomas said, “Shall we join your family?” 

Richard nodded, grabbed on Thomas’s hands and pulled them out of the room and down the stairs. 

Any nerves that Thomas had concerning Richard’s family were gone by the time luncheon was over. Mr. Ellis has grilled Thomas about clocks and service and books, and Richard’s sister Sophie and her husband Michael were both welcoming and kind. Mae and William were darling as Richard had promised and Thomas couldn’t help but feel included and warm, just from being near all of them. 

After luncheon they went back to the drawing room so Mae and William could open their presents. Thomas had picked up a few little things for them, a book on traveling the world for Mae and a stuffed dog for William. Richard had spoiled Mae with an atlas (causing Sophie to ask if they’d planned their gifts… Thomas and Richard just shook their heads and grinned), and he’d bought William a small toy ship. Sophie and Michael were chatting amicably with Richard’s father and Mrs. Ellis was serving tea. Thomas was sitting on the edge of the sofa, pointing out places of interest in Mae’s book to her when he felt Richard close against him, his hand resting on Thomas’s back, their thighs close again. 

“Did you thank Thomas, Mae?” Richard asked, and Thomas felt the low rumble of Richard’s voice where his chest met Thomas’s arm. 

Mae, with her bright red hair and deep blue eyes, grinned up at Thomas and Richard and nodded. “Of course, Uncle Richard,” she said brightly. “I like your gifts best,” she whispered. Thomas and Richard chuckled. 

“Well, your Uncle does give good gifts,” Thomas said. “You’re very lucky to have him.” 

Mae nodded solemnly. “He promised me a necklace when I turn sixteen, but that’s so far away.” She sighed dramatically, and Thomas couldn’t help but glance over at Richard. 

He expected to see Richard looking down at Mae but instead, Richard was already looking at Thomas, something like fondness and affection in his eyes. 

“What is it?” Thomas asked softly, Mae having left them to go talk with her grandmother. 

Richard shrugged. “I like you here, with my family. Mae...oof!” He grunted again as little William climbed up onto the couch, across Richard’s lap, and settling purposefully in Thomas’s lap. Richard chuckled as William snuggled into Thomas’s lap, clutching the stuffed dog. 

Thomas ducked his head down. “And how are you Mister William?” He asked with a grin. 

William just giggled and nodded, sleepily blinking and leaning his head against Thomas’s chest. Richard let out a sigh, a contented, wistful whine just for Thomas to hear. Thomas looked up at him. 

“As I was saying,” Richard said, his hand falling down to rest on the couch behind Thomas, his arm a steady presence on Thomas’s back, their thighs still touching. He looked from Thomas to William and back to Thomas, and Thomas felt a thrill up his spine at the way Richard was looking at him. 

“I don’t know if can ever let you leave,” Richard teased. “I want to keep you with me always. You fit with my family.” He gestured to William who was now almost sound asleep in Thomas’s lap. “William likes you… it means they approve.” 

Thomas blushed, and nudged Richard with his shoulder, careful to limit jostling little William. “I can’t say I’d mind never leaving.” 

Richard smiled wide and ducked his head, kissing Thomas on the shoulder softly before pulling out the watch Thomas had given him. Mrs. Ellis noticed, both her sleepy grandson and the fine piece her son had in his hand. 

“Is that a new watch, Rich?” She asked curiously, glancing between her son and Thomas with approving fondness. 

Richard looked up at his mother and smiled. “Thomas gave it to me. I… did your father make it, dear, I don’t remember if you told me.” He looked at Thomas curiously, attentively. 

Thomas blushed to hear Richard drop an endearment in public conversation but he nodded. “My father, yes. I helped with the watch face and the filigree, but he hadn’t taught me the inner workings of clocks quite yet when we made that one.” 

“It’s a fine piece,” Mr. Ellis said. “Have you ever considered going into watchmaking for yourself?” 

Richard sighed. “Now father, not everyone wants to start their own business, or leave service for that matter! Don’t badger Thomas quite yet.” Richard smiled resignedly at his father and leaned closer in to Thomas.

“Richard,” Mr. Ellis said, “you of all people wouldn’t mind him leaving service I’m sure. Not if the way you get all doe eyed at him is any indication of your affection for him.” There was a teasing, kind twinkle in his eye, and Richard blushed, groaning and hiding his face in Thomas’s shoulder. Sophie giggled. 

“Careful, brother dear,” she said. “There’s no going back once we start this conversation.” 

“What conversation, exactly?” Thomas asked, glancing between the family members and grinning down fondly at Richard still hiding his head. 

Michael gave him a commiserating smile. “Sophie calls it the ‘intentions’ conversation. They had it with me as well, and I think I just barely passed.” 

“You must be approved of,” Sophie explained, “and Papa has a whole list of questions to ask, I’m sure.” 

Michael chuckled. “Got to make sure you’re an upright, respectable fellow.” 

Thomas and Richard shared a laugh. “We already aren’t very respectable, Michael,” Richard said teasingly. 

“Ah, but the future could change things,” Michael said. “What if the law changes and you’re with a lackluster man? Mae only wants a prince for you.” He winked and Thomas marveled at the ease with which the Ellis family discussed his and Richard’s condition. Like it was normal, easy, accepted even, and Thomas wondered if he could stay forever. 

“Ah,” Thomas said, turning to Richard. “Well, we did talk once of becoming pilots, didn’t we darling,” he loved how the nickname felt on his lips, “but that wasn’t very serious, was it? I doubt that’s the sort of respectable couple your parents really envisioned you being a part of.” 

Richard’s head flew up, a teasing smirk and raised eyebrows meeting his eyes. Sophie outright laughed, Mrs. Ellis tutted, and William grunted in Thomas’s lap. Thomas rubbed his back, thrilling at the way Richard looked at him, and they all settled down. 

“Oh, I should put him down for his nap,” Sophie said with a sigh. “Just as it was getting to the fun part.” She stood and walked over, carefully picking William up from Thomas’s lap. He stirred a little, and kept a death grip on his little dog, but didn’t wake. 

Richard kissed Thomas’s shoulder again, resting his forehead against Thomas’s for a moment. He sighed, and Thomas rested a hand on Richard’s knee, giving him a gentle squeeze. 

“Alright, my dear?” Thomas asked quietly. Richard nodded, nuzzling into Thomas’s shoulder a bit before lifting his head up. 

“I think he’s got the right idea, little Will,” Richard said. “I could use a nap.” 

“If that’s an attempt to get you and Mr. Barrow alone,” Sophie teased with a flick of her hair, “it’ll never happen. Mama wants to interview you more, Thomas.” Sophie walked out of the room, William still sound asleep on her shoulder.

“Actually,” Thomas said, “Richard mentioned something about the hall clock not quite keeping time. Mr. Ellis, perhaps you and I could take a look?” He looked over at Richard. “That way I won’t keep you from a nap.” He nudged Richard’s knee. 

Richard held back a yawn, and Mae giggled. 

“I suppose that’s my answer,” Richard said and he and Thomas stood as one. “I’ll be down in just a bit.” He squeezed Thomas’s fingers. “Come get me if I’m not up in an hour.” 

Thomas nodded, and squeezed back, and he and Richard followed Mr. Ellis into the hall. Richard went up the stairs and Thomas found himself in front of a clock, puzzling how to fix it. He found he hadn’t enjoyed something so much in a long time. 

An hour later, as promised, and heartily encouraged by Richard’s entire family, Thomas made his way upstairs to wake Richard. He went slowly, gazing at the artwork and wallpaper along the hall. He wondered, briefly, if he’d ever get a home of his own someday. 

He’d never thought of it before, having a home of his own. He figured he’s always be in service where his room and board was taken care of. But with Richard, and all that talk of leaving the service, he couldn’t help but wonder. 

He opened the door, expecting to find a sleeping or just waking Richard. Instead, Thomas paused and laughed, for Richard wasn’t in the bed at all. He was sitting in the chair by the window, a book open in his lap, but his gaze lazily pointed out the window. Richard turned a bashful and teasing grin to Thomas as he entered and closed the door behind him. 

“Did you nap at all or was that just a ruse?” Thomas asked, walking over to stand next to Richard’s seat. 

Richard shifted the book off his lap and pulled Thomas down, settling the two in the chair, Thomas sitting sideways on Richard’s lap, Richard’s arms loosely around his waist. He kissed Thomas’s shoulder. 

“I did nap, for a little bit,” Richard said, “but then the thought of being sneaky and getting a moment alone with you was too tempting.” 

“I doubt your family would have actually objected if you’d asked,” Thomas said with a grin. 

“Well, no, but it’s a bit true that mama and papa are desperate to know you, and if I don’t sneak some moments for us myself, we might not get as many as we want,” Richard said, kissing his way up and down Thomas’s arm. 

Thomas smiled down at Richard, kissing his hair and breathing him in. He didn’t mind Richard being a bit sneaky. It reminded him of the way Richard had helped foil Mr. Wilson when the King and Queen visited Downton. 

Richard looked up and met Thomas’s eyes. 

“Have I said yet that I’m glad you’re here?” Richard asked, his hold around Thomas’s waist tightening. 

Thomas smirked. “You have, but I won’t say I mind hearing it.” He brushed a strand of hair out of Richard’s face. “You’re family is lovely… I’ve never met people so unashamedly alright with how we are.” 

Richard hummed softly. “They adore you. I imagine, if she could, mama would be planning a wedding already.”

Thomas chuckled, the very idea absurd and exciting all at once, and his heart sped up. “I was imagining for the first time what it would be like to have a home of my own, or with you, when I was coming to wake you up. I’ve never thought of that before.” 

Richard’s eyes widened. “You’ve never thought of having a home of your own?”

Thomas shook his head. “I never thought I’d want to do anything outside of service. But now that I know you… it’s more appealing.” 

Richard nodded in agreement, a seemingly satisfied smile on his face. “One can certainly hide more if they’re not in service. I imagine having my own home all the time. I want a garden, with a water feature to sketch, and a guest room so that Mae and William can visit if they want.” 

“In London?” Thomas asked, rapidly wondering if he’d ever want to live in London. The idea didn’t immediately appeal. He enjoyed the city but he wasn’t sure he could live there all the time. He preferred open spaces.

Richard shook his head. “Here in York or at least nearby,” he said. “I’ve always loved the countryside and I figured I’d come back here whenever my time in the service had ended.” 

Thomas hummed in acknowledgement. If Richard lived near here, near Downton, it wouldn’t be impossible for Thomas to stay on as butler a little longer and still have a home with Richard. He wasn’t sure how he’d explain it to Mrs. Hughes, but he could figure something out. The very idea made his heart race. Richard squeezed him. 

“Have you… do you have any thoughts of what you’d want in a house of your own?” Richard asked. 

Thomas blew a bit of air out of his lips, his distracted mind focusing on Richard’s question. “Well… as many books as the drawing room could hold. A bed with a comfortable mattress. A fireplace. I’d have to think about it more.” 

“Would it be too bold of me to say that our ideas are rather compatible?” Richard asked, biting his lip. 

Thomas grinned. “I was thinking the same thing. Besides, you’d make any house of mine a home.” 

Richard smiled wide and leaned up, kissing Thomas on the lips. Thomas sighed and leaned into the kiss, lifting a hand to cup Richard’s cheek. Would he ever get used to being able to kiss another man with no agenda or race to a finish? Would he ever stop marveling over how wonderful it was to simply be with someone he cared about? 

He hoped not. 

There was a knock on the door and it opened quickly, Mae charging in with her father behind her and Thomas and Richard hardly had time to stand without looking too out of sorts. They stood, blushing and Thomas felt his cheeks grow red. Mae didn’t seem to notice as she marched right up to them. 

“Sorry gents,” Michael said bashfully. “She couldn’t be stopped.”

Mae landed in front of Thomas and Richard, looking up at them appraisingly, then turned to her father, put her hands on her hips, and nodded matter-of-factly. 

“They’ll do, Papa,” she exclaimed and bounded out of the room with a giggle. Michael shrugged helplessly and Richard laughed brightly, reaching out to tangle his fingers through Thomas’s. Thomas grinned. 

“And just what will we do for?” Thomas asked. 

Michael grinned. “A snowball fight, of course.” And he turned and followed his daughter. 

Richard and Thomas exchanged a look. Richard pretended to sigh dramatically and reached for their coats. 

“We’re going to get beaten by a seven-year-old, aren’t we?” Richard asked resignedly, handing Thomas his coat and gloves. 

“Oh, absolutely,” Thomas said, leading them out of the bedroom, down the hall and out the front door. They spent the afternoon until dinnertime being thoroughly beaten down by Mae and her snowballs. Thomas found he didn’t dislike it, even for a moment. 

The evening was spent in the parlor. The fireplace was warm and emitting a soft glow to the room, Thomas could see snow gently falling outside the window, and he sat on the settee, nestled next to Richard. It was almost too idyllic to be true.

But Richard had his arm around Thomas’s waist, his family hardly batting an eyelash at his and Thomas’s physical closeness, and Thomas couldn’t help but lean into Richard. They’d only been with Richard’s family for a day and Thomas felt he belonged. William had taken up residence in Thomas’s lap again, Mae had brightly engaged them in a discussion on the monarchy, Sophie and Michael had even teased Richard and Thomas about how good they were with children. 

Thomas looked around him, at Mr. and Mrs. Ellis’s kind faces, looking blissful and happy whenever they looked at their son, fondness whenever they looked at Thomas, and joy at their daughter and her family. Sophie kept wiggling her eyebrows at Richard who would blush just a little and tease her back in the way only a brother could. 

And Richard. Thomas didn’t think he’d ever be able to stop looking at Richard. He kissed Richard’s shoulder, his cheeks blushing only a little this time. Somehow he was already becoming used to being around people who knew who he was and seemed to adore him for it, rather than in spite of it. Richard had shown him what it was to be loved. 

And it dawned on him, quietly, softly, gently. Thomas’s eyes traced Richard’s profile, his cheekbones and nose and lips and chin, the way he smiled at Mae and laughed with his sister and humored his father. The way he listened to Thomas, didn’t write him off or belittle him, the way he seemed as if he could listen to Thomas forever. 

Thomas loved Richard, irrevocably. He kissed Richard’s shoulder again and Richard turned to him, meeting his eyes. 

“Alright, love?” Richard whispered. Thomas had the sneaking suspicion Richard loved him too if the letters and the gifts and the endearments and bringing Thomas home were any indication. Richard had even mentioned a wedding earlier, not that it could mean anything to them. But the sentiment certainly had to mean something.

Thomas grinned, shrugging. “Never better, my dear.” 

Richard smiled, clasped Thomas’s hand in his and stood, the telltale signs of a new plan hatching in his eyes. 

“I think Thomas and I will be going to bed,” Richard announced to his family. “I’m rather tired from my journey and Thomas is reading a book that he can’t get his nose out of.” 

Sophie smirked, but Richard ignored her and they bid his family goodnight, Thomas letting himself be tugged out of the room. They walked up the stairs and down the hall, side by side, hands still clasped. 

“I’m actually not reading anything at the moment,” Thomas said softly as they entered their room. He closed the door behind them and immediately found himself pressed back, Richard flush against him, his hands bracketing Thomas in against the door. Thomas grinned at Richard’s flirty stare. 

Thomas hummed, watching Richard’s eyes linger on his lips. “Better kiss me before I start something new I can’t get my nose out of,” Thomas teased and Richard let out a laugh before closing the distance. 

Thomas met him in the middle, their lips pressing together, firmly, purposefully. Thomas wrapped his hands around Richard’s waist, pulling them closer together. Richard slid his hands behind Thomas’s back and head and pulled them away from the door, not breaking the kiss as they made their way to the bed. They stopped when the back of Thomas’s knees hit the edge of the bed.

“Save it for tomorrow,” Richard said as he grappled at Thomas’s clothes, taking off Thomas’s tie and shirt in a matter of seconds. Thomas chuckled, and followed suit, undoing Richard’s tie and shirt with purposeful, slow movements. Richard trailed his nose along Thomas’s cheek, sighing. 

“I love that you’re here,” Richard said and despite hearing him say that exact phrase multiple times, Thomas thought maybe this time, Richard meant it differently. He tossed Richard’s shirt aside, his hands finding their way once again to Richard’s hips, Thomas tracing his fingers along the waistband of Richard’s trousers. 

He swallowed, Richard still nosing along Thomas’s hairline, the millions of sentiments he had yet to say out loud threatening to bubble out of him. He knew he could start with one though, the most important one. For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel like he’d be rejected. 

“I love being here with you,” Thomas said softly. Richard touched their noses and Thomas pulled back just an inch to catch his eyes. “I love you, Richard.” 

Richard huffed out a sigh, a smile spreading on his face, looking relieved and surprised and elated all at once. “Thomas,” he whispered, lifting his hands to cup Thomas’s face. “Thomas,” he whispered again, kissing Thomas’s nose, then his cheeks, then his forehead. “I love you more than I can say,” Richard whispered in reply, and he kissed Thomas on the lips. 

The same purpose was there, but this time Thomas guided them back onto the bed, falling slowly down, landing on the down comforter with Richard on top of him. Richard rolled to his side, tucking himself close, kissing Thomas like he had all the time in the world. 

Thomas figured, perhaps, that they did.   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr [here](https://iamasphodelknox.tumblr.com/) and share the Masterpost for the story [here](https://iamasphodelknox.tumblr.com/post/631798627624534016/title-call-me-darling-call-you-dear-author) if you like it!


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